It is my great pleasure to feature a wonderful writer, couples life & fertility couch and surrogate – not once, not twice but three times a surrogate! What a beautiful soul! I’m sure you will enjoy her message as much as I have. Here’s Tiffany…
Without a doubt, most people marry someone who is the polar opposite of them in many ways and areas. I have worked with a lot of couples and time after time, conflict arises from those differences. What is almost humorous about this is that often times it was those “differences” that first attracted us to them.
CASE IN POINT: In general, I am what some would call in the world of Psychology and Personalities, a “Type A” person. When asked to describe me in 3 words, my husband has said, “Intentional, Driven and Thoughtful.” Yep, you guessed it. I married a “Type B”. I would describe my husband as “Strong (of heart, character and body), Kind and Genuine.” He is very black and white, and I can see the grey. He grew up in a small rural town in Pennsylvania as the youngest child in a family of boys enjoying the great outdoors, while I grew up in the suburbs of Cleveland as the oldest child in a family of girls who enjoyed shopping and educational activities.
When we first met in college, it was his laid back nature, kindness and unwavering peace and stability that I was attracted to. For him, it was my “go get ‘em” self motivation, drive and strategic purpose to life that was attractive to him. Shortly into our marriage, I quickly realized that the words of the wise Pastor that did our pre-marital counseling started to ring true and play loudly on repeat in my head… “Your initial attraction, will become your biggest frustration.” WHOA… drop the mic right here!
The initial attraction of my husband’s laid back ways started to get on my nerves as I found myself wanting to say to him (while running around the house completing a list a mile long), “can you get up and do something.” Coincidentally, he found himself after a long week at work wanting to say to me, “can you sit down and chill for a minute,” despite his initial attraction to my “get ‘er done” approach to life.
Throughout seventeen plus years of marriage we could’ve let our differences frustrate us. We could’ve let our differences separate us. We could’ve let our differences define us. Instead we learned how to let our differences improve us! We see our differences as strengths, not weaknesses. We learned to VALUE our differences instead of letting them annoy us.
Maybe you and your spouse are dealing with infertility and just maybe you married someone different than you. You both will “see” the journey differently. You both will “value” different parts of the process. One of you is probably a “feeler” and one of you is probably a “thinker”. You both will experience and respond to the ups and downs of the rollercoaster ride of trying to conceive differently. So how do you navigate your fertility journey with someone who is different than you? Well, here are 6 Tips:
Identify the strengths that each of you bring to the table. Utilize and focus on these.
Identify what matters most to you as a couple and then choose to focus on those important big things.
Make decisions together.
Choose to laugh instead of getting frustrated. When your spouse does a piece of stupid or is acting in a way that doesn’t make sense or is “different” than you would’ve done it… laugh and move on. It probably isn’t worth losing your “peace” over.
Put yourself in their shoes. Try to see the situation from their perspective.
Be quick to forgive and ask for forgiveness..
“You can be right or you can be happy.” I’m not sure who said this quote first, but I want to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be right…ok, I LOVE to be right… but I CHOOSE my battles and I LOVE-LOVE to be happy:)
Just For Fun: Ask your spouse to describe you in 3 words;)
Choosing a Life with Love and Laughter,
Tiffany Jo Baker MA, CLC
Couples Life & Fertility Support Coach (+3x Surrogate)
P.S. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have support, peace and a plan during your fertility journey? As a 3x Surrogate and a Couples Life & Fertility Support Coach, I help couples birth their dreams and navigate the road and relationships well while trying to conceive. Don’t miss my Free Online Class “How to Try to Have a Baby Without Losing Your Man or Your Mind” where I share 5 Keys for a Strong Marriage & Smooth Journey While Trying to Conceive. You can find the information for this class and more free resources, as well as all about my Couples Fertility Support Coaching Services at www.TiffanyJoBaker.com.
Have you explored my IVF guide book?
It is available on Amazon in eBook, Paperback and Audio! Click here for my book on your country’s Amazon page
A compilation of beneficial information on trying to conceive with fertility treatments, specifically invitro fertilisation and will guide you step-by-step on a journey through:
The things to consider and the tests to do before deciding that you need fertility treatments,
What you could expect at your initial fertility consultation,
Tips on how to choose the clinic that’s right for you,
The stages of a standard IVF, frozen and natural cycle,
Suggested activities during your 2-week-wait,
Additional genetic tests to consider after repeated implantation failures or miscarriages,
Finding an IVF support group where you will feel comfortable as well as explanations of the many abbreviations used within them,
Notes on alternative treatments to support IVF, such as acupuncture and fertility massage,
Advice on how to keep it together when the hormonal medication is trying to drag you down,
Fertility friendly recipes and a collection of 125 valuable tips on everything from administering shots, to maintaining your relationship, nutrition and much more – both lovingly put together by another IVF veteran, Rachel Campbell of Sprout & Co. And much more!